Re-writing Your Nervous System Blueprint for Expression
This is bold b*tch module 5. Gaawwwd it is has been FYYAAA so far! In this module we get into the link between expression, pre-verbal + early childhood trauma & nervous system literacy.
Paid subscribers receive access to all of the modules + continued weekly offerings of written & spoken teaching, practices & prompts. We did a sick live Q&A on Thursday too, focusing on conscious relating. If you resonate with my transmission this is a great way to support me & partake in a powerful, personal process. Calling all who’re here to live as the current. Access the paid archive for previews here.
Art source: Safety by Robert Coombs
Here is a thing I learned about how babies experience being left to cry &/or feedback that their crying is unacceptable:
They internalise the belief that their authentic expression is unsafe.
I don’t think I am being dramatic when I say that most kids are raised by parents that didn’t always know how to meet their own emotional needs, let alone that of their children’s. & those parents will have been the children of parents who might have - & often did have - even less capacity. We are undergoing an incredible upgrade as far as stewarding souls goes. There are more people that ever saying: It stops with me.
& I will also say that there is never going to be an optimal, perfect way to raise small children through the acid trip that is the first few years of their lives. I am not a parent so I can only say this as an adult who was once a child; there is something inherently perfect about the myriad of “fuck ups” that happen along the way. Something so specific & intelligent about the way that these occurrences called me into my potency & power.
Very small babes register being left to cry as a life or death situation. I.e My expression will result in disconnection & if there is disconnection, I will not be fed or taken care of & then I will die.
So if you ever wonder why you find yourself feeling disproportionately afraid of saying the thing, consider that you are encountering the back up of emotion that couldn’t be fully processed at a time where you thought you were in a life or death situation.
I think this is such an achingly sad, human, & maybe even beautiful thing about understanding your childhood as an adult. That some of the deepest cuts are sometimes a very innocent misperception.
My mum told me a story a while ago about something that happened shortly after I was born. She told me about it because I’d recently written about the sense that some of what I have been integrating was pre-verbal.